A VOICE FOR THE ANGELS
A DWI Survivor's Story.
Written by: Anthony Trujillo
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It was a nice Sunday afternoon and I had a long week. I went to Church and then visited a friend's church. I was invited to go to an outdoor service. It was to be held in Bandera, Texas, which was about thirty minutes away. I had to arrange for a ride. I got a ride from the girl that invited me to the service. It was as if she could read my mind she knew somehow I was in pain.
It was not a pain that you cold see outright. It was more of a pain in my heart. It was not any ordinary day by any means. I was feeling a sort of aura. Something needed to change in me. I was at the end of my rope. I had lost my will to exist as I was. I needed to do some soul searching. All of my life to that point had seemed to be a distant memory.
On the trip to Bandera, I seemed to try and fit in with the group of people that I went up with. I needed to have their approval. They were simply trying to help me. They were trying to help a dying man who lost his sense of worth. We arrived at the worship service and even though I did not know anyone it seemed that I had some sort of kinship with him or her. Everyone there seemed to be looking for answers to their life's burdens. The service was being held inside a tent out in the country.
The only sign of civilization was the house that the owner of the land lived in in the distance. Everyone was praising the lord in many different ways, some with music some with song, and some with dance. I just seemed to pray and then about half way through the service I decided to go out into the woods and talk to Jesus by myself. I needed to make peace with my maker. I did not know why but it was something that I needed to do. I looked into the sky and gazed into the heavens and prayed to Jesus to save my life to change me in a very special way. You see Jesus called me to be his servant years before but I had not decided to give up the world and follow him I just wanted the best of both worlds.
You see I had a wonderful relationship with Jesus the only love in my life that never let me down and somehow somewhere I lost sight of that love and doubt filled my life the only difference between me and a person of the world is that I felt bad a conviction in my heart. I was out in the woods all by myself with the lord and with tears welling up in my eyes I pleaded for Jesus to change my life.
Once the service was over I had to find my ride. They had left and made sure that I had an alternate ride home. I rode with people whom I had never met. They took me to my car, which was parked at the Vinyard Church. I got into my car and put in a tape with Christian music and listened to it as I kept my mind on what had happened that day. My whole life seemed to be in my mind. My life was filled with indecision and hopelessness. I was missing something in my life I needed a way out. Sometimes we should be careful of what we wish for as we might get it. Life seems to be funny that way. Yes indeed you have to roll with the punches, however I seem to have been punched square in the face. I had been working many overtime hours. I had been killing myself with work and with stress. I was so tired from all the weeks stress I took a different way home that night for some unknown reason.
The night seemed to be a unique eerie calm to it a calm before a storm. There was not news of any storm nearing the city that night in fact it was a fairly clear night. As I drove down the highway and turned onto the interstate to home, I saw headlights. In that split second I did not know if it was him or me whom was going the wrong way. The headlights were trained on me like a missile targeted for acquisition. There was a truck heading straight for me. He was trained on my headlights he matched my every movement as if he was attracted or aimed for the light of my headlights. I uttered these words "oh my God please help me". The missile had its target and impacted into me with great intensity. It was like a jet being stopped by a hold back pendent on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier.
The impact was somewhat muffled, but there I was in the twisted metal coffin. I could smell the smoke and burning engine and fire. With every breath I was inhaling smoke and fumes. It seemed as if it was choking the life in me. I looked into the truck and did not see the driver and needed to get out to save him. I only had a little amount of time as the car I knew was soon going to be fully engulfed my lungs urgently gasping for air. I could feel the pressure of my chest collapsing as if the weight of both vehicles was on it. I reached over and tried to get the door opened but the door would not open.
I felt a warm flow on my hands and as I looked down I could see blood all over my lower body. I could not move I was wedged in this metal coffin. When you are dying, they say that you can see your whole life flash before your eyes. I don't remember seeing my life flash before me. As I gasped for the shallow breath I had in my dying body, I looked around and saw the twisted metal around me. I just had to get out when I took in a breath my lungs filled with the smoke coming from the vents and the engine.
The fuel smelt so strong I felt as if I was a part of the engine the smell of fire filled my heart with a fear that I was soon to die in a burning vehicle. I kept saying to myself "the blood of Jesus, I claim the blood of Jesus" I said so desperately. There was a certain reassurance knowing that only Jesus had the power to save my soul. My time was up and I knew it I knew then and there that I was dying. I needed to be prayed for it seemed to be the right thing. I would have never known that this would or could ever happen to me. I always saw it on the news but now it was me that it was happening to. I started to get dizzy. My head grew heavy and my sight started to dim. I needed reassurance not that I was going to make it, but that I was going to die having made peace with my Jesus. I just had to feel that God was in control. I could hear the sirens in the distance and it had only been minutes. To me this was a relief I did not want to die in the street not like that. I thought that because of the hour that I would sit there till someone called for the authorities and that it would take them time to get to me. All of my troubles seemed to be dwarfed to what I now was facing. I was about to die all alone.
Within minutes the fire department was there and I could smell the smell of the water hitting the fire and the engine. A fireman told me that they were going to have to cut me out of the car and that they were there to help me. I knew what was involved as I had been a volunteer fireman before and had on several occasions cut people out of cars. They covered me the best way that they could, and put goggles on me. Then I heard the roar of the jaws of life and the buzz of its blades as it cut away the roof of my car. My car was so crushed that it was hard to see what kind of vehicle it was. The impact of the truck made my car look like a bomb had hit it like it was a car bomb. There I lay in my tomb. The parallel was so clear, my life was like my car, it was once new and wonderful, and now it was crushed and damaged beyond any recognition. I was dying in that twisted metal and no one was going to take that away I had met my fate. I could hear the buzz of the saw as it tore at the metal. You see precious minutes were all that I had. It seemed as if they were buying time perhaps believing that some miracle would help me. I could hear the metal bend and rip. Once they got the roof off they went to work on cutting the car in half and cutting away the rest of the metal from my body. I could feel the life draining out of me.
I tried helplessly to hold on. I did not want to die on the highway not like that. Once they got me out of the vehicle they rushed me into the ambulance and started to the trauma center I lost consciousness. I had awoken at the hospital to the rushing of people around me, doctors, nurses, paramedics, techs and policeman. Everyone seemed to be doing something different to me. They were sticking needles in me and several people kept asking me over and over the same questions. I needed to have someone that I knew there with me. I needed someone there. I also still needed someone to pray for me. I kept asking for someone to get a minister or someone to pray for me finally a woman came to pray for me. I kept asking the doctor if I was going to die. He just kept telling me that he needed to get me into surgery. Then I overheard him telling a nurse to get my mother because I was not going to make it. My mind went into shock. I know was sure that I was dying my deepest fear was now confirmed but I was ready or at least I knew that my soul was saved. They had told me they could not get my mother on the phone and had sent a police patrol car to my mother's house to get her. She arrived moments later it had seemed that she had heard the answering machine and rushed to the hospital as soon as she could.
In all the years I had seen many people hit by drunk drivers and even had a few die in my arms but never did I think that it would be me that would be the victim. My mind was going a million miles per hour. I needed to prepare my mother for my final wishes I started to tell her what she needed to do who to contact. What arrangements to make. What funeral home to use what lawyer to call where to put my money. I wanted to donate the money to the children's charity that I had started in my name. I told her who I wanted to officiate my funeral and who I wanted to inherit my will and belongings I could not believe how prepared I was to die. I was prepared to die my life was all but over I was out on the fence and it was time to come home. I needed to come home to my lord. In this life the cards were dealt and the hand that I was dealt had not a single pair. I was dealt a losing hand. The sun was setting on my life and it seemed that only yesterday it was not even the morning time for me. I was just an innocent child not knowing or even having done much of anything yes that seemed like yesterday. Yesterday and now it was another day and mine was done.
It was not a totally bad life I could remember some of the better times I remember when I would share my nights with a few friends and maybe someone that I cared for. I had such a good time as a child growing up. I can remember when I was so young and life was so innocent. I wondered what it would be like without my friends and what would it be like to never fulfill all the dreams that I have dreamt for my life. I grew up to fast. I took life for granted. I never got to see the fullness of life and never got to be married and have children. It was not supposed to end this way. I would have liked to say goodbye to all of my friends and those that I loved. Most of all I would have liked to know if I had made a positive influence on anyone's life along the way. I have lost so much so soon. I am too young to die. I am too young to die. I had a lifetime plan. I had plans for my life. I had not made my life complete. I was so cheated. What went wrong? What went wrong? My mind jolted back as they rushed me into surgery, I saw my sisters as they passed them in the hall. I was just about to enter pre-op and I insisted that they stop and I lay my hands on them and pray for them. I was needing to pray that Jesus be with them and in their hearts. The anesthesiologist started to give me the anesthesia. He told me he was first going to give me something to relax me and then put me under. I don't remember anything but going under right away. It was as if I was finally going to rest from my long journey.
I needed to sleep and this was my release. When I did I saw a man I cannot recall what he looked like but I knew it was Him. Jesus was with me and I told him I was ready to come home. He told me that I was not ready and that I had a work to do. I could not begin to understand but it comforted me. He then held my hand and I saw another man and It was a face that I could never forget for it was that of my father. My father had died in my arms when I was fifteen. I looked at him and he was so young and healthy he was rid of the cancer that once consumed him. He made me feel that I was in peace. Then after a time I started to drift into a nightmare one scene after another only these were so real no waking was near. On one occasion I had the horrifying nightmare that these people were trying to kill me I just could not get away. I was in jail another time and for no reason. I was just locked away with no way out. I could not stand to be in these horrifying situations, but could not wake up.
I was trapped in these scary nightmares so horrid to describe. As time went one when hope seemed to far away I started to see the good coming my way I was okay I was still in a dream in which I believed that it was so real. I knew of the wreck in fact for some reason it was two. I thought I was working in another town not far from mine. It was a very good life style. I was enjoying the life that I had in this hallucinate dream. I was so happy and my life despite the wreck was so good. The only downfall is that it was a dream. I was happy but every night I was going to sleep in the hospital. It was a real vision to me. I saw myself in so many scenarios all seemed to be positive. In each I was a preacher evangelizing the youth around the country or the state. My life was so happy in these dreams. This time that I was in, this state, was all a coma in which I would flash back to see those who would come to see me. I could see them and hear them but I was not awake. I was aware of them but would not shake.
This coma lasted for so long then following it was a hallucination period. In which I would believe that I was somewhere else and not where I was in some instances I knew not who I was. This was due to a brain injury that I had suffered from the wreck. When I finally did awaken from the coma, they asked me who I was and of course I would get it wrong. After awhile it started to become a game. I would try each day to remember who I was and where I was and what had happened to me. Eventually I knew all of those things. I was so positive even though I could not hardly move. My only movement was to look from side to side. I could not even see the person in the bed next to me. I wanted to move but the pain was so tremendous. I was being given morphine. The pain was so severe I cannot even begin to explain how bad it was. I sat in this room with severe pain in an intensive care unit. I had so many machines hooked up to me and could not eat food. I remember the nurses had to give me pain medication right on time or the pain would get more severe it was not over in fact it had not even begun. I had to undergo another surgery on my crushed heal. I did everything I could do to keep my self from going over the edge. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I was lying there a different man who would never be the same.
I was crushed in my body and in my heart and soul. Somehow I was able to keep positive. I did cry I don't quite know why it just would come out. It did occur to me that I could not move my legs. They told me that I would not be able to ever walk again. I could not fathom what they had told me. I never in my mind thought that I would ever not be able to walk. My legs were all that I had. I needed to walk. Everything in my life seemed to depend on my walking. I was somewhat devastated. I did not want to believe it. I did not want to and did not. I decided then and there that I would never put the word victim in my mind ever again. I was determined to be a survivor even if it killed me. I just had to survive. I lay in that hospital for what seemed a lifetime. I was there so long it became my home. It was time to go and I was to transfer to a rehab hospital. I was terrified that I was going to be in a vehicle again. I told them I would not go. They told me that I would think differently. I got down to the ambulance and went into hysterics. They had to sedate me to get me to go into the ambulance. My whole life I have been strong and not afraid but it was terrifying to even imagine riding in a car again.
This was something new to me. It gave me flash backs of the wreck. I was never going to be the same no matter how strong I was. Once I got to the rehabilitation hospital It was a little different. It was not as bad as the regular hospital. I was on the way to recovery. I was actually doing something productive and could at least see more and I was able to get around in a wheelchair eventually. Even though I had recovery on my mind it still dwelled upon me the feeling of whether I would ever be normal. Would a woman ever want a crippled man? I had worked with crippled and dying children in a charity that I had started with the magic time machine. How could I ever tell them that it was going to be better when I myself did not know? I kept remembering my childhood and the wonderful times that I had growing up and the innocence kept going through my mind. What brought me to this fate? It was almost like I was mourning a friend. I just could not get it out of my mind. One thing that I did notice is that I had holes in my memory. I could remember some things when I was three but yet could not remember things that only happened one year past. What was happening to me.
What was causing me to be this way. It was like I was living a different life now. You know sometimes through all the anger, fear, pain, confusion, and anxiety I would dream of a different life for me. I would dream that I had taken a different path and that I had gotten married to a beautiful woman. I had children. I was so happy. The only thing is that in the dream the time never changed or went on. It stayed still, it stayed the same time, day, and year. Yes I was happy but it was only a dream. My life was so unsure. I did not know what to expect. I sometimes would have to force myself to get out of bed to try. I did not ever sleep in the hospital, not because of the nurses waking me in fact they let me alone. It was just because I could not get comfortable. Yes I would sleep, but it was cat naps only when I was so exhausted that I could not hold out any longer and would fall asleep for a couple of hours never enough.
Soon it was time for my surgery it was not a very long stay approximately a month maybe if that and I had to have the surgery on my heel. I felt scared to go to surgery as last time I almost did not make it through but once I went into the operating room I felt like a breeze had gone through my body and that somehow Jesus had come to me and was there to hold my hand through the surgery.
I went into the surgery and they replaced the heel and I was back at the first intensive care unit that I was in originally. It was an eerie feeling being back there. I just prayed and prayed. I was in severe pain the whole time that I was there. There was a time that I was in extreme pain because of the cast was so tight they had to come in and take it off and put it back on to make it not so tight. I recovered for a few days there and then was transferred to another rehabilitation hospital. This one was smaller than the first one. I was a special patient at this hospital as most of the patients were elderly. Most did not even get out of bed. As soon as I had a chance I got into the wheelchair and started to explore the hospital.
I liked this hospital as the care was very personal and the staff was very nice to all the patients. They called me Elvis, because my side burns were extra long. You see before the wreck I was working at the magic time machine. At the Magic Time Machine, I was "The Godfather", but I was changing to Elvis. So I had my costume made and grew my sideburns very long. I remember when I first came out of the coma they asked me what my name was and I told them it was Elvis. It was so funny how they had to explain that Elvis was not my name. They had to explain that they just called me that but Elvis was not my real name. To be continued...
I wrote that several years ago never in my mind did I know that I would still be haing problems, especially those that are going to be life long. I have undergone about 20 different surgeries. I have experienced every emotion known to man and today I am still suffering moth physically and emotionally. Some ask is better to be dead or to be broken as I am? Well I think that it is better to be broken if it will help others from going through the pain that I go through day in and day out. If one life is changed so that one person will not drink and drive and prevent another death or a life sentence to suffering.
I am not perfect by no means and for the most part am very positive. I can live with the pain no matter how bad it is. I can endure the emotional torture of the death of the life that I had or could have had. I am not a victim I am a survivor.
It is important though that you do not confuse this. I am capable of enduring the pain so excruciating that the Morphine and other drugs just do not seem to alleviated it. A pain that requires me to get into a bath of water so hot that my skin turns red and I can't stand it for more than 10 minutes at a time. I can handle the over 18 medications that I take. I can even take the surgeries, but it does not mean that I do not hurt. I simply am able to do it because of each childs memorial that I see I feel I have no room to complain. When I see so many taken too soon I suck it up because I know that my sorrow is nothing compared to theirs.
Both of my femurs were broken in half and one was shattered some. I broke my right tibia and fibula in half and crushed my right heel. I had both wrists broken. I had my sternum dislocated, several ribs and some other miscellaneous broken bones. I suffered from a Traumatic Brain Injury, I was in a coma for a month and my heart stopped twice, my lungs collapsed, and my liver was starting to fail. In fact from what I was told I was going through total organ failure. I fought hard to stay alive. They kept telling my family that I wouldn't make it through the night, then a week and then a month, but here I am.
The financial burdon was tremendous even with my health insurance. The first eight days in the hopital was about a quarter of a million dollars. My mother claimed bankruptcy. In reality a part of me did die in that wreck. I will never be the same.
I am a positive person and I help others keep up their spirits that have gone through similar situations and I console those parents that had to bury their children and I only do this because I was given a second chance and this one is borrowed so I do what I do because It is not my life anymore. Please do not drink or do drugs and drive. You do not want this to happen to you.
If you would like to see a video of my wreck with actual footage you may do so at :
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